Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Flight Manners or Why Upgrading Your Flight Ticket is Worth Every Penny!

The oldest daughter and I went on a little trip last week to look at a school she was interested in attending. She has been working for several months now and offered to take me along as a chaperone, free of charge. (Did someone say "Free trip to England??") She bought the plane tickets and I footed the bill on everything else. Some lovely English friends from our old church offered us their home as our base camp and another friend from South Africa literally handed me the keys to her car so we were all set to go!
Fast forward to the actual day of  departure and we are at the airport...............

Now, finally, we had boarded and were waiting for the moment that we roll onto the runway and take off.

Before we even get started, the seat in front of me leans back to hover across my lap. Why did they do that? Didn't they hear the announcement about keeping their seats and tables in an upright and locked position? Oh, yes they did! They have proven that they aren't deaf since they are chatting away and answering each other in a Dutch accent.
This type of behavior is what I have labeled, "Selfish Public Obnoxiousity" or "SPO". These types of people believe that it is their right to have it their way, no matter if it is rude to others or not. There is a whole generation of them coming up. Parents, identify and fix this problem with your children so they don't become one of those rude people.
We all know people like that. They make you lose your temper and the ability to reason in the English language. I need space and this calls for me to upgrade my tickets for the next flight, at any cost. Yuck! End of subject.

Back to the trip...
Next, takeoff. It wasn't a bad takeoff at all. We came up to speed and began to admire the impressive view of the cityscape below our large flying machine. Bump. Bump, sssshake, jiggle. Calm and peace for a moment. Again, bump, bump, shake, jiggle, jiggle.Thereafter begins some vibrating and shaking of the whole plane. I began to think that the clouds, wind and sky were playing  a slow motion ping pong game with us. This continued on for a good while.
Let me give you a quote that may put into perspective how much movement we had going on. "If I knew that my boobs were going to be dancing so much, I would have worn a sports bra to this party!"
I tell my uncomfortable motion sickly partner that the shakies will calm down at 10,000 feet. We continue to ride like the cavalry at war for another 10 minutes then, "Ahaaaah", the ride suddenly becomes smooth moving skate on ice. Just like I said, 10,080 feet! (I hit the nail on the head there.)

Lots of flying hours and flight experience make me an old pro at this game.
First pass by the flight attendants netted me a ginger ale and some rice crackers .

A few hours pass while I watch a movie, Thor 2. If you don't know me well, then let me tell you that I adore Thor. He is the epitome of hunky handsomeness. He could stand around and sell moldy butter for all I care as long as I can look at him. That man is lovely! End of subject.

The next flight attendant interruption was ginger ale and a lovely pasta with veggies & chicken and a whole bunch of carbs.
Back to my captured audience movie watching. "Percy Jackson 2 and the something of something." It wasn't as bad as I though it would be. It kept me awake for a while........

An hour or two later, there are strange noises I hear coming from across the plane. The sound of an old car trying to be started, but it is choking up, is a way to describe it. Think about it for a second...There you go.
Now this strange noise continues off and on for a while and I am thinking that this person who is coughing needs medical attention. Then my mind wonders and I think," WHAT? That person is sharing that nasty cough with us! Did they even get a Doctors approval to fly? What kind of nasty disease is that?" I quickly inhale some alcohol hand sanitizer to fend off the  thought of germiness and vow to find that diseased perpetrator and talk them to justice!

Round three by the flight attendants is nearly missed by me since the overwhelming feeling of comatosia is taking over my mind. Too much sitting does that to me. I decide to cruise the aisles in search of.... some excitement! But alas! None is to be found since most of the flight consists of sleepy bodies.. Boring!

The pilot flashes the light for "seat belts on" and the vibroshake plane begins again. I take my seat by climbing between the reclining seat in front and the lap of the nice lady from India at the end of our three seat aisle. After that Yogic icebreaker with our neighbor, we begin to chat about how long we had left on our flights. She was on the second leg of 30+ hour journey home We had the best of conversations about cultures, vegetarianism, and tag teaming our trips to the toilet so we didn't have to straddle each other. She was a darling and we were blessed to meet her.
Back to my captured audience seating and I decide to listen to some classical music next. A half hour later, the announcement to "Prepare for Landing", come in over the intercom. We start gathering our things for arrival.

 We are almost there! Yeah!

Five minutes before landing, the deep, gutteral sound of snoring pierces the air....

Welcome to Britain!