Monday, May 31, 2010

Survival 101

It has been a week and my life has not been at all the same. Everything about me has changed and frankly (yep, Frankly again), I don't like it! I'm an independent person and the fact that I have to depend on my family is really upsetting. I expected more from them. I really did. The fact is that I have made them so dependent on me that they are partially incapable of doing my job. I feed them 3 meals a day, snacks, and they get clean laundry and free transportation has made them well, LAZY. ALL of them.

After 20 years of servitude(marriage) and 5 children, I was home from the hospital after this MAJOR EMERGENCY SURGERY and I was hungry. Mind you, I'm supposed to REST and not walk the stairs! Most of the household was at school and someone who was to care for me was busy getting their checklist done. I asked for a sandwich since it was after lunchtime and my body was melting into one of those "Need food weakness spells". Someone said "Sure!" They commenced to gather their things and the 2 yr old, then walk right out of the door! OK then can you see where we are going with this? ( I do have to commend my Spring Chicken teenager. After she got wind of how I felt, she kicked in like Martha Stewart!)

There have been many other things like this happening which made me feel pretty unloved. On night 2 after arriving home I was so physically hurt and mentally neglected that I had a "God wrestling with Abram" session. I prayed, questioned, cried, shook my fists, prayed and cried some more. I know that the Lord has a reason and a season for this, but did I have to be the victim of this "hit and run"? My body, mind and spirit are breaking an it hurts something awful.
There is more to say, but I just can't say it all right now.

Pray for me.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A new beginning.......

Nope I am not talking about Star Wars either!
Since Mothers Day was my last post, I thought it was waay past time to update you. Hmmm, my condition worsened and my arms from the shoulder down to the tips of my fingers were effected. My arms were heavy, joints stiffened and it was extremely painful on most days to prepare foo or even use the mouse on my laptop. Tylenol was the drug of choice and I was beginning to have appointments weekly. The Docs here on base made me another appt with the rheumatologist who couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Bless her heart, I'm probably one of the last people she wanted to see and we have an appt on the 24 at high noon!
I didn't make it. A little person made their arrival Sunday evening at 5:37 pm. 6 lbs 1 oz and 19 inches
My family is not the quiet type and this little girl came in this world with a bang, er an emergency c-section. From what I was told by the distressed Dr (he was really good- we just stressed him out!), little Miss was firmly held in place by the cord which was wrapped around her neck and then back around under her arms. There was also a muscular band that was keeping her from descending out!
It was meant to be like that and THANK THE LORD that she didn't descend because tragedy could have ensued for the both of us.
Prayers of friends and church members and mercy from the Lord above gave us a healthy outcome.
Thank you all!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day 2010

Well, it's that time of the year again and this year is possibly the hardest one for me. My mom is gone and I can feel it and it is lonely. I thank God for my Aunts and my sister, but no one could ever take the place of a mother. Tears are welling up in my eyes as I think of all the times since August 2nd that I have wanted to call her and just hear her voice. I want to know what she is doing, if she is actually going to cook today and what has Daddy been up to. Has she taken her medication or is she being the "Difficult Patient" she has always been. I want her to talk to Elise and make her feel better about herself (they just LOVED each other).
I want my mom back!
I know she is in heaven, suffering no more. Call me selfish, but I want her too.

"There is no heartache so deep as the loss of your mother."

Remember that and go and love your mother today.

My condition-An update

Seeing that I've left you hanging on the edge of what is wrong with me, I'm sure it's time for an update.
I have been back and forth to Cambridge, Addenbrookes, Spire Lea, and Lakenheath seeing doctors and being tested for so many things. I probably need a tranfusion myself after the many draws they have taken. I have faith that whatever it is, God can deal with it or move back to the states and hole ourselves up on a ranch somewhere, acting suspiciously till the feds come and see that we are doing nothing more than growing herbs and becoming nudists.(okay-you KNOW I'd never do that. People have known me for years and have never seen my skin except from the elbow or midcalf down!)
Okay now back to reality, so after seeing all of these drs, waiting for weeks for test results, being called on my PERSONAL cellphone by drs (one called me 3 times in ONE day, mind you. April says they call that stalking, I think I'm popular, ha ha),living with horrible joint and muscle pain and having to crawl to get around this house to get things done, I saw the rheumatologist ONE LAST TIME on Thursday.
(Did I tell you I put 300 miles on the van this week alone? Darryl had a hole in his heart plugged up on Wed -an ASD, they call it, and I had 2 appointments on that same day which had me driving from Lakenheath to Papworth, to Cambridge, back to Papworth, back through Cambridge, and then home. He ended up staying the night and I had to go and pick him up at lunchtime the next morning at Papworth, past Cambridge, back to Cambridge to get him lunch at McD's and then home. So you see where I'm coming from? Going round in circles! Ha, ha, ha!) Yes, I feel like I am losing it. He seems to be doing alright except for overdoing it the first 2 days, but he only has a half inch cut on his groin instead of having his chest cracked open, so he got away easy, THANK the Lord! If he is so hurt now, I could only imagine..............
Now back to me.... So the new diagnosis is UNIDENTIFIABLE! Can you believe that? Dr. Speed kept telling me she was sorry, but she couldn't figure out what was wrong with me except that something was wrong and they couldn't pinpoint it. Maybe it is pregnancy related and will go away after the baby is born. She couldn't guarantee that, but she was sorry and if my symptoms got worse then she is a phone call away.
Are you as frustrated as I am? I bet not! I just know I need to know something and I want to not feel pain and achiness all the time. I want to be normal again and hop out of bed in the morning to get breakfast started. I want to sit down and not have to adjust the pillows so my legs won't hurt. I want to be able to go to bed and not have to move and shift to be comfortable for 30 minutes then have some lightening pain shoot through my joints facilitating me having to reposition 3 pillows and recomfort myself again. I want to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night without fear of falling and having to use any solid piece of furniture to support my LONG 15 foot journey to a 2 hour relief.
I pray for something to help me be patient and have peace right now. I pray for my family who has half a me, and a grumpy half of me to deal with. Even Mr needs prayer for his speedy recovery so I can get him back to work and not be angry that he is sitting around playing video games and watching movies(resting, they call it) while I am trying to get things done.(Is that selfish?)
Pray for my niece to make it here safely on Thursday morning so I can hand over the reigns to her.
And most of all, I pray for Chloe who is about to be knocked out of her pole position by a new short person in town. She and I have so much fun together that I can't imagine someone else coming between us.
Lord help me!