Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Is the "Farce" With You?

I know that the title of this is a play on words, but I really mean to pose this as a question.
Is the Farce with you?
Does everything you do have a tinge of comedic drama to it?
Can your life be put on screen as a sitcom?
Do your cheeks hurt from laughing most of the time?
Have you pushed a van that broke down in a drive through and received a callous on your hand lately? (Sorry, I just threw that one in there because it happened to me this week.)
Do you have that "Special Someone" in your life who makes you want to lose your sanity, and if your sanity was a solid object, say, a baseball bat, use it as a weapon against them?

If you can say "Yes", to more than 2 of those questions, then you have become one with the "Farce Side".
I have had people come up to me and ask- "Is what I read on your blog really true?
Frankly, I'd like to say "Yes, but truthfully, I'd have to say .............................. Drumroll please............ YES!
Now you know that I really do live the life of "I Was Lucy"!

I was angry at my brother for needing money this week and ran out of words to say so I called him a farce of adulthood. Anyone can be angry and curse, but it takes creativity to call someone something uninsulting and get the point across.
I don't mean to be mean, but sometimes I lose my cool.
Is this you? Do you lose your cool and couth but retain your dignity? Or does your dignity become a handbag and you have to put it down sometimes or use it as a threatening dangerous object?
Personally I don't condone violence, but if you lose your mind then, well, you aren't in control of your faculties at that moment. Wrath or adrenaline takes over and well, they have no logic. That also happened to me last week. I was in the laundry room, kicking through the clean clothes when I had a revelation. "Why am I doing this? Isn't Child #2 supposed to have this in order? Why am I here and they are sitting on their petunia watching tv? That's it!! I am not doing laundry again for any child over the age of 10! So I threw their clothes in their respective clean clothes bins and shoved them in their doorways, yelling "I am not doing YOUR laundry again, and if you EVER leave this laundry room in the state that it is in again, YOUR clothes will be out on the lawn. DO YOU HEAR ME???
Needless to say, I had to go downstairs and tell them this to their faces because no one heard me when I said it the first time!!! I was hysterical and they thought I was hallucinating! I really don't know if I got the point across, but I just asked my oldest and she said that she heard me say something about the laundry and it made her laugh! AWWWWWW MANNNN!

So take it from me, stop, think and breathe or folks will be laughing at your angry moments!

Now that I know that the farce is with me, I should use it to my advantage. Can I get a show on tv or should I get a psychiatrist to visit me?
Should we all join our farces together and change the world for the better?

(This post is brought to you by delirium of sickness.Two weeks and it's still going on......)

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Beginning of Something Undescribable

We, no, I decided to really get off the fence and bring Montessori principles into our home full of little ones (okay, just a couple of little ones). I decided to start our first real day of integration with several St. Patrick’s Day projects for my 4yr old to do. I had planned for many days and only had to go to the garage to get the gold coins for counting and adding to the pot of gold. Well, that fateful morning came and I had a crazy whim- let’s got to Ikea! I had been wanting to go for months and had been looking for an opportunity to go. I was sure that the activities I had planned were only going to last for an hour so at the last minute the plans changed- we were going to Ikea!! Yea!

Now the logistics of going on a trip with 2 little ones is quite comical. We live in England, the island of ever-changing weather.You have to be prepared for everything at all times.

Here is how that happens…………..

First, you have to have the little one dressed for the weather AND for the car trip. Do NOT forget spare clothes or you will go back home immediately and curse the fact that you were unprepared.

Second, you will need snacks, lots of them in a variety of tastes and textures since drive-throughs with healthy food do not exist anywhere on the planet.

Thirdly, you have to have a full tank of petrol (gas), just in case the traffic jam from outer space pops up and you are diverted through 22 miles of English countryside in the opposite direction of where you are heading. (Yes, that has actually happened to me here- twice!)

Fourthly, since the entourage you travel with always has a tricky and sensitive bladder, you have to carry a porta-potty unless you want to hold someone’s tushy in the bushes because the nearest toilet is not close enough!

Lastly, time your excursion between the hours of nursery school ending and the last child arriving home from school because if you leave the certain two at home together, you will have to replenish all snack supplies and leftovers because they were still hungry after eating the snacks that you left for them.

Now, get all these packed items to the back door and prepare to walk out. Spot check little girls and wonder why is one drooling?

OH NO! SHE IS THROWING UP!!! I can’t believe this! We got this far!!!!!!!!

Ikea trip cancelled!


I guess we will start again next week…………

Sunday, March 4, 2012

What Happens When a Tooth Fairy Loses a Tooth?

Absolute chaos!
Last week, my tooth fairy was put out of commission for having to have a baby tooth pulled from TF's (Tooth Fairy) mouth. Now this TF has been on the job for several years and has been quite creative in the way they deliver and reply to those letters from the children. Once they wrote back on a cute letterhead explaining to the recipient that they needed to stop sucking their thumb or else they would never see TF again. The sucking of teeth made their teeth protrude so offensively that there was no way to get a good price on those bent teeth, therefore the child would only get half price on teeth transactions!

I personally thought that this was really creative on the part of the TF.
Who else comes up with such a fancy story that could almost sound true to unsuspecting readers?
So the TF was out of commission and I was left to pick up the pieces. There were a lot of pieces since the tooth had been broken when the Dr pulled it out! (You catch that pun?) The real TF tries to make the exchange on the night of the incident. Remember, sooner is better than forgotten!
Day 1- I forgot. TF reminded me that they had been forgotten.
Day 2- I forgot. Again!
Day 3- No money for the exchange.
Day 4- I receive a nasty note about the past due payment.
Day 5- Tf asks if they have to do the job for themself, but they can't because they do have any money!
Day 6- The tooth is missing. Stolen by unsuspecting preschoolers and lost in the room dubbed, "The Black Hole".
Day 7- Found and exchanged for $2.00. TF scolded me for making them look bad and they wouldn't leave the job to me again if they ever had to! They also said that I was CHEAP!
Well, my feelings could have been hurt but nope! I completed the job and gave it back to the TF to continue the reign over dental storage and exchanges!
That was 6 months ago!
Guess what?
TF had another baby tooth pulled last week!
Here we go again because I forgot to be the substitute.
Well, that explains those nasty looks I've been getting at the dinner table!

(Now off to find some money..........)


New Year, New Attitude

This year has flown by already and I am amazed at the things which have happened (or not!). The children have all grown so much since January 1st and I seem to be stuck in a strange holding pattern with my teaching certification, weight loss, and simplifying of my home. Yes, I am trying to get it all done, but strangely I have been overtaken by a new obsession,(OCD is rearing it's ugly head). The obsession of clean and uncluttered flat surfaces! I know, this probably dosen't mean much to you, Dear Reader of the already uncluttered, clean house and flat surface type, but this is SIGNIFICANT to me!
I'm used to a fairly decently messy house where toys, stuffed animals, newspaper, and bodies are on the floor. The occasional couch pillow, blanket,another body, car keys, shopping cart and plastic container of cotton balls didn't bother me either, but now it distracts me and I HAVE to do something about it. There is NO tunnel vision to me, (unlike my other family members who seem to ignore and step over things, while stopping briefly to place an empty soda can on the counter when the recycle bin is only 6 feet away, my SON!) and I can't overlook it anymore. Right now, I am sitting at the dining room table and to my left, there is an empty small pizza container, basket of napkins(it belongs here), three books and a clipboard(my textbooks),ziplock bag of 2 day old cupcakes, little peoples smock, glass of water & cup of tea (both are mine), some V-day artwork, some stickers and my sons hat. This is so-ooo distracting to me and if I look up to the kitchen counter then I feel the tension mounting as I see more little things that could possibly push me to the brink of insanity!
I honestly don't know what or why this happened all of a sudden, but wait! I think I do know! As I have been doing my Montessori coursework, I have had this constant problem of losing whatever book that I am studying from. This has happened more times that I can count and it has annoyed Mr. so much that he requested that I buy a Kindle version so that I can't lose it and can read it on my pc or Kindle (yes, I succumbed to Kindle and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!), and he can stop having to hunt for it with me. (Sadly, neither of the books are electronic- boo hoo.) Now back to where I was....... Ummm. Okay. I lost my train of thought since looking at the counter- good grief! See, now you understand what I am saying? All this stuff is wearing me down and I can't seem to get rid of enough of it!
Oh, now I know where I was. I was talking about my teaching certification. So I am at the part of how environment effect learning and I am living proof of it and so is my family! Wowwee- we are all suffering from OJCS (Overstuffed Junk Clutter Syndrome). Distraction, stress, constipation (I just threw that one in there to see if you were actually paying attention-HA!), all of those symptoms that point to us as overwhatevered! So about 2 weeks ago I started 40 Bags in 40 Days again. I really enjoyed it and got rid of a lot of stuff. This time I am hell bent (is that a curse word?), on getting it done by March 5th. We have friends coming to stay with us for a week and I don't want to open a closet and be attacked by 40 rolls of toilet paper falling out of it! (And by the way, the toilet paper WAS on sale!) Besides the benefit of looking clean and tidy, my home should be peaceful to me and my family also.

Where did it all go wrong? By all means, I can't exactly pinpoint any one thing, but can point out at least 10.
-Baby dear came via c-section which spiraled me into a depressive like state of being since I wasn't capable of delivering her myself.
-I had 2 major thyroid surgeries in 15 days, leaving me unable to care for the 6 month old as well as lift anything heavy for nearly 2 months.
-Oldest child had a failed surgery to plug a hole in her heart.
-Husband had the same surgery- it worked and they fixed it.
-Oldest child graduated from high school. (I am now feeling old!)
-Financial problems with my family back in the states.
-My babies both started nursery school.
-Only son started high school and began his career as a slacker.
-I gained an enormous amount of weight since my thyroid meds have been unstable.
-My father's dementia worsened in a matter of weeks. He passed away right before Christmas.
-We went back to the states and realized how much we have become European.

There were lots of little things interspersed in there, but those on the list were the major issues. So I can say that I have had some pretty good excuses, don't you?
So now that I have laid that on you- the blog that I wrote on Feb 1st, and currently it is March 4th, would you like to know how far I got on the 40 bag challenge?
33 bags of all shapes and sizes have left my home!! Books, clothes, recyclables, you name it- it is gone!
Is my house a little cleaner? Why yes it is and I am not done yet.
I have one more day to get there and by golly, I will!