Tuesday, November 8, 2011

In My Closet Is My Own Worst Enemy......

Disclaimer: There is one word that may be offensive in here and it is not a curse word!

Several days ago the weather changed towards the cold side. I pulled out the childrens coats and gave them a wash, making sure that they were clean from when I cleaned them before I put them in the closet. All was well until I decided it was cold enough for me to get my coat out. I avoided doing this until it was absolutely necessary because, facing the thought of freezing wind howling through my sweaters, I though it be best to avoid pneumonia. I headed to the back wall of my closet where I hadn't seen, nor heard, from my wool coat for at least 6 months. I dug deep, and coming up with the heavy, camel colored, wool coat, I saw there was a brown dot on the collar. I thumped it off, thinking it was a bit of lint from the brown sweater in front of it and laid it down on the recliner near my bed. My eyes scanned the wonderful warm and fuzzy coat that I anticipated wearing later that day when I spied a strange trail of naked fabric. The fuzz was gone and you could see where it was missing!
What? What? What was that? Was I seeing what I thought I was? Something had eaten the fuzz off my collar! On my coat. My ONLY GOOD COAT!
(I have to pause and tell you that I am getting upset as I write this because I STILL can't believe it happened to me!)
Was that creature I thumped off my coat responsible for this? No way! But what else could have done this but that thing! What am I going to do? Get it dry cleaned, yes, that's what I'll do. But wait! Look at the stain under the sleeve! That was there from the last dry cleaning so they really stink at dry cleaning here! I can't wash it. It'll turn to wrinkled fluff. I can't wear this anymore! This creature ate' drank, sleeped, peed and pooped in my coat! I can't wear this again! Oh no, I need a new coat and fast.
I ran downstairs to explain my dilemma to my daughter and husband and they started laughing at me! Mr said that I'd have to get some mothballs and smell like an old person forever! He also called me neurotic. That is NOT FUNNY!
So, I layered up and went on my merry way, vowing to go back in the closet and vacuum that creature to another dimension later.
That evening, I went back to the closet and found my beautiful Scottish wool scarf that was given to me by my daughter for Christmas last year. It just happened to be on the hanger next to where the offended coat was butchered. I took it out in anticipation of getting it cleaned so I could wear it later in the week. Inspection time!!! I held it up to the light and my eyes couldn't miss the holes that the light was streaming through!! I WAS INSANE WITH ANGER! That was it! This was the last straw and that little,(close your ears my friends, you've never heard this word from my mouth), bastard, had to die! I grabbed a hanger and started beating the clothes in my closet with it. If that thing was there then he was going down! After a few minutes, I gave up and landed on the closet floor to inspect if the offenders body was there. I took everything out and crawled through it from corner to corner. I FOUND NOTHING! You can only imagine how much angrier I was! I was unconsolable with anger! Trust me, I was beside myself when I figured out what state I was in!!
Today I am calm enough to write about it, but if you mention that coat and take my blood pressure, you will see Mt Vesuvius arise again!!

Has this ever happened to you?


Dorcas said...

I am so sorry about your coat and scarf! That's just awful. And unfortunately the perpetrator was probably long gone when you discovered the damage, if I remember anything about moths.

MamaOlive said...

Oh, noooooo!!
My pure Icelandic wool rhuna (I think that's what it's called) is a little thin in places.
But your post reminded me of MY Scottish wool scarf that my parents gave ME for Christmas the year we were in England when I was 17.
The next year, in Arkansas, I wore it once and it dropped in the garage as I got out of our VW bug. Well, the next day I found it, but not until after the stray lab puppy I'd adopted had had his way with it. Oh, I was so frustrated! I couldn't even get angry at the enemy because I loved that dog.

Misty said...

Dorcas, I can't ever remember being so angry at something so small and large at the same time! I prayed so hard at bedtime about having so much anger inside me. I thought I had a hold of it years ago, but this shows that if there is any unresolved anger in your spirit then it has to be taken care of or it will eventually rear it's ugly head.

Aleceia said...

I laughed! I guess my imagination went wild!