Tuesday, September 21, 2010


No-not blogging, I mean. Trying to get some rest at night. You know that "S" word. Sleeping. It's approximately 4:17am and I am awake. I tried so hard to go back to sleep several times but there was no hope for me. Too much action in my room.(And no-not THAT kind! This is a clean blog if I can say so myself!)

It all started with a reeally sleepy baby who didn't want to stay asleep for long. I put her to bed in my bed, surrounded by a barrier of pillows for her "not rolling around yet" safety. She is a very "scentsitive" baby, meaning she really likes the smell of mommy right next to her. So my mistake was........ drum roll please.........that I put a DADDY pillow in front of her!! Well that was the unjust punishment for an innocent child. You know, to wake up and smell, gasp, A-MAN! And not just any man, I say. That MAN who lets me cry when I want my mommy, MAN. OH NO! So, after I made this grave mistake, I moseyed downstairs to partake of the bowl of spaghetti that was waiting for me which I was so looking forward to enjoying. Five bites into this perfectly wonderful bowl of pasta, I heard the call. "WAAAAAAHHHHHHH, WAHHHHHHH, WAHHHHHHHHHHH!" She was cranking up the Gatling gun of a cry because she was missing the love of he life and smelled, "The Man" instead of me. Okay then- give up the food mama and go save your child!
I hesitantly bounded up the stairs to a face full of tears and some red, juicy eyes looking around for her mama. At this point, I pat her bunny,(her bottom) and whisper "Hush, hush, shhhhhhhh, shhhhhhhhhhh, calm down sweetie", while going through what I call "The Mental Checklist for Mothers"(that's another subject all together).
It was about this time that I realized she wasn't going back to sleep without a sip, so I began to nurse her and "The Man" appears offering to bring up my dinner so I can finish it while it's warm. "Of course", I answer and he whisks away to bring up my beloved late dinner accompanied by a precious glass of Ginger Ale. I quickly finish my din, lay down the dinner offender and run to get in the shower while I still have a chance. I'm just a-showering away when I hear it. No- I'm not hearing this. Oh yes I AM! She is at it again. WHAAAAAAA! Alrighty then. Now I am losing patience and do you know what I did???? I kept on showering and finished my relaxing moment because I knew that she was safe in bed. I'm not sure what the neighbors thought, or if they even heard her, but I didn't care because I was having "A Zen Moment". (Alright, I did feel guilty, but I had to take a shower before I got in the bed.) By the time I got out and dressed, "HE" was there. She still wasn't Kosher with him, so I grabbed her up and lay down with her to see what her need was. Okay then- fresh diaper you need? You got it! She was freshly changed and lying on the bed with those big, red eyes that make you want to bawl with her. Mr was giggling and sitting on the recliner across the room when I decided to ask him, "What is so funny?" He says, "I gave her a new nickname-Baldylocks!" I give him a mean frown, all while laughing at the same time. Hey, shhhhhhh! She's falling asleep! Oh my goodness! Her eyes are closed! It's a miracle that I didn't even have to pray about!

Fast forward to an hour ago. I'm asleep and dreaming about my friend Charmaine owning an international grocery store where each aisle contains food from a different country and each day they have different bakery items from all over the world. I was just about to lay down on some "Senorita Bread" from this Filipino bakery called "Starbread", when I hear laughter. Then I hear laughter again and the bed starts to move in unison with this laughter. When I begin to open my eyes from my fantasy of Senorita bread, I feel the squirming of baby, indicating that her tummy was empty and needed to be filled again. So on my left is contender #1- "Mr. Laughing In My Sleep while shaking the bed." In corner #2- is the, "I Need A Drink Or I WILL Wake Up And Let The Whole House Know That YOU Didn't Feed Me!", person.

I quickly laid my hand down in the vicinity of his head to rub it and am prickled by his freshly barbered locks or scalp or whatever you want to call it.
Ouch! He mumbles something about being funny and "I'm sorry", then quickly dozes off again. I roll over to feed wiggly and she dozes off also. I begin to float again into La La land when I hear the roaring sound of a Harley engine in my bedroom. It's HIM again! Blah, blah, blah! Good grief! Well, I'll be! I get up and go to the bathroom where I step on something oily on the floor. HE must have dripped some muscle rub and didn't wipe it up! Grumpily, I lay a bathroom rug down over the spot because someone could possibly slip on it and fall and hit their head on the toilet bowl. (Safety first!) Wiping off my feet with a washcloth, and climbing back into bed for another try, I wiggle in between the two offenders. Ahhh, this isn't too bad and it's still warm right here. La La land, here I come! Three minutes later, that Harley was back again with a vengeance. It was coming after me with all of the glory of a man on a safari hunting for lions! I poked the offender and he mumbled something again. Oh silence, you are my friend! Ahhhhhhhhh. Sweet rest, come quickly.(Can you hear the harp playing in the background?) I did, but only for a split second and then that darn blasted Harley came back and I jumped out of bed and stared at them. The Wiggler and the Harley. Both sleeping peacefully and looking so comfortable together.
And then I said, "I QUIT!"


Aleceia England said...

tooooooo funny!!! I was almost in tears and I felt your pain! Why was MR laughing in the first place was he dreaming? LOL!! Where was the rest of the gang?? You need to establish a Mom Haven! For nights like this one! A haven only for you and I guess Wiggly as well...Im at work and I am trying to compose myself! Thank you for the laughs! This could be a television show! Or make this a book! It has it all!!! Love you all!!!

Misty said...

Come and visit us. You will see that I live in insanity!!
Love ya!

Malaka said...

OMGOSH!!! This was hilarious! Yep. Totally with you. All moms should get whisked away to our own sleep island left to slumber undisturbed until morning! Now THAT'S bliss. It's the little things.